What is that?

Like have you fallen for them? Somehow I think not, especially if it's the first time you've ever met them. But then maybe you have?

Is it just lust?

I don't know but I think it's kind of confusing. I should also probably explain last night a bit more.

Basically I went to a show [four bands were playing - Far Left Limit, Stockholm Syndrome & Existance is dead plus another band who's name I can't remember] at a place in the city, and I was going in the first place ot meet Joel. Joel being a guy I chat to that lives in Sydney.

But he couldn't come down, and I still wanted to go because other people i chat to online were coming down to play etc. So this other boy Chris who lives down here, he said that I could hang out with him if I liked.

I finished uni at like 4:30, and since the show didn't start til 9 i had hours to kill. Chris said he'd meet me in the city at lik 6, so we do that. It wasn't weird at all. I think i'm really lucky to have met super great people off the net, and none of the times has it been awkward. I've now met like 5 people that I talk to regularly online, in real life.

So yeah we meet up, hang out for a bit, and then go get some tea. We went to a vegan place because that's what he is and I don't really mind, and he even pays for it! Which I totally didn't want him to, but you know it was still nice. That's like the first time a guy has ever bought me dinner.

Then we went to his friends house to hang out some more. All his friends are totally awesomely nice. Everyone I met that night was actually.

I was kind of overwhelmed by how totally cool everyone I met was. They were just so easy to talk to, and nice and I guess I thought it might be a bit weird because I'm the "girl off the net", but most of them are online anyway so it's not a big deal.

And yeah so he let me tag along with him all night, and it was really good, like i had a great time. And i got to meet Kirk [from queensland] too, and he was nice and at the end when i said that i was leaving he was like "oh let me get my jacket and i'll walk you to your car", straight away i got the impression that he wanted to kiss me or something once we like got to my car and that was cool. Like I'm not going to want to make out with a hot guy.

But then when I tell Chris i'm going, he says the same thing - "i'll walk you to your car" and there was just no way i could go "oh no it's cool" because i would feel so bad, because he'd been so nice and hung out with me that entire time and i really do like him.

So they both walk me to my car! haha it was kind of awkward, but i don't know if they felt that or not. So then we had like a group hug, and I left.

Last night and this morning I was so kicking myself for not getting to kiss anyone, and absolutely hating god [not that i believe in him, but yeah i can be ridiculous like that] for giving me two guys in one night when most of the time I get no attention.

But yeah I'm over that now, everything happens for a reason, and it's all cool.

And the thing I love about going out like that, is that I don't feel totally worthless and unwanted like when I go out with my friends to clubs here. Because they're so pretty and stuff I never get any guy attention, and not that i'd want it because most of the guys around here are meh.

But yeah this was just so much better. And i find that so much, like the only time i ever meet new people and find guys is when i'm not hanging out with my close friends. So i wonder what that's saying....

And I chatted to Chris today, and he wants to hang out again, so that's awesome cos i've definately made a friend, and it's so nice, and yeah maybe it could go further but at the moment I just have to make myself not think like that, otherwise i'll just get let down.

( Saturday, Apr. 05, 2003 + 6:19 pm )
H is for happy.

So I just wanted to let you all know that I'm happy today. Like generally happy. It doesn't happy very often so I'm making the most of it, by......being happy? lol.