I don't want to be so dependent and feel like the only people i can actually talk to and understand are the people online.

I really really need some friends.

I just went out with pretty much my three best friends and it put me in this mood. Patti and I don't even talk. The others were outside smoking, and she just lay on the couch and i just sat there. I suppose it's my fault, but I feel it's more hers. She has a bf now and I don't really come into it.

I don't feel i can tell her anything, and i try and make conversation but it doesn't work. All I want is someone i can really talk to, but instead i have nothing, and it's really tearing me to pieces. I don't talk at all, not even normally, i just have nothing to say.

Everyone must think I am so boring. But i just can't be bothered. I've pretty much accepted that no matter what I do nothing will change they way people see me, so why not just be totally silent instead of that quiet girl.

I'm really sick of coming here to vent, because it just means that I don't ever tell anyone anything.

I was almost crying in the car, after we'd dropped Patti and Anni off at Anni's place. I'm just so sick of feeling like i have no best friend. Like she doesn't tell me anything, but somehow I'm supposed to know. I guess she doesn't feel like she can talk to me or something, or that I'm not interested.

These are the times that I just want to die, so they will care. I just want them to realise that I feel so left out and just meh.

Gah I havent' cried in so long, and i hate that hanging out with my friends makes me so depressed instead of making me happy. And I hate how all any of them have to do is say, "Yeah i'm feeling depressed today", and everyone is so like "Aww what's wrong", and make a big deal.

I just can't do that though. I have too many problems that i can't explain to even be bothered in trying.

I want to reach out for help, but really I just wish someone would find me.

I know people don't cut for attention, but it's the only reason I would. So maybe someone would see it and be concerned.

( Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2003 + 10:08 am )
Eck my stomach.

How pretty are you by today's conventional standards for girls
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How weird. That was the easiest quiz ever because you don't have to try and choose one answer that kind of fits you. It's all like "What is your hair colour".

And I didn't even lie about my weight and i got beautiful. Maybe that is saying something.